RELATIONSHIP ADVICE YOU EVER RECEIVED

THE FIRST RELATIONSHIP ADVICE YOU EVER RECIEVED.

  "Never fall too easily. Play hard to get." 
It was from Anita and it would've been safer if she had just said it in words. But she went on to show me. 

I was younger. Yet to be in a relationship safe for the one time I was too desperate to have a university boyfriend.

And I was willing to learn.

On the other hand, Anita was a university graduate who hung around. She was much older and I believed she had more experiences and probably knew better.

Anita had a boyfriend who loved her so much. He would come to see her every other day, buy her gifts, and take her on dates until Anita found a guy she liked.
She was going to get him, she told me. And she wanted me to learn how to go about getting a man.

She began by breaking up with her boyfriend who came crying. But her mind was made up.
She said it was the first step. To let go of everything that would distract her.

And then she set out to get this guy to notice her. It was easier for her because the guy had an eye on her already.

That was when the lesson began.
After discussions for a few days, the guy asked her out but she turned him down.

She said she needed to test him. That it was necessary and a man who really cared about a woman would go every length, fight, to get the woman he wanted.

So, this went on for weeks, and by the first month, she accepted, stating that she was not completely in yet.

She said the purpose was to seem more desirable before him. To get him to come at her at full speed.

For almost every time the guy texted, she took over five minutes to respond. And if it was a call, she either missed the first or took it to say she was busy.

When he tried to arrange a date, she either changed the day or get to date venue late. Not too late. 

She said it was in the man's place to wait for the woman.

She didn't give him too much attention. She visited mostly when he invited him over and she could just up in the middle of a discussion to say she had something to do, when in fact, the only thing she was always busy with was to come to the shop to give me these pieces of advice.

And she never missed telling him she spent time with him because she 'liked' him.

It was important to use the word 'love' sparingly lest she appeared desperate.

She said it was important to begin at the woman's terms. That way, she would have the upper hand and be able to get him to pop the almighty question.

Soon, we were talking about sex even when I wasn't comfortable. But I wanted to learn.

She said it was two months - if the guy was trying, and longer if he wasn't trying to show how much he cared.

So, this one cared. She knew.

We began to count from the date she accepted to date him. We were almost at 60 when she gave in.

It hurt her the next day and I watched her cry.

She was not going to call him again. She would be there and wait for him to come around.

She said it was to see if he came just for the cookie.

But he came back. He seemed to love her even more. And she seized that opportunity. 

So, every time he invited her over, she asked if it was to get the cookie.

She had said she really wanted it but it was never right for the woman to say it, or act like she wanted it.

It all seemed like it was working and I learning really well.

And oh, the cooking rule. Not to cook or do his laundry until after two months.

Everything was working out fine. But she wanted to be more desirable. She wanted to have him all to herself even when he showed her that.
She knew too. She just wanted him to keep trying harder.

This went on for a few months and then a new girl came into the street. She was thicker. Taller.

And while we were still going on with our relationship lessons, guy and thick girl began to talk.

Anita was furious. She went to him and he swore there was nothing. She let him go through his phone and when she was satisfied, we went back to our game.

Not long after that, rumors began to spread that guy and new girl were going out and Anita went to the new girl. 

At first, it was to become friends, and then she marked her territory. She told him guy was his boyfriend. And everything was still going normal until one afternoon.

Guy had called Anita to talk. She was louder.
She had said the woman's voice was so soft that it wouldn't seem like she was loud even when she was.
So, an argument ensued and Anita told guy she wasn't afraid of losing him. That she had more guys coming for her.

And she wasn't sure if she would end up with guy and she stormed out of his room and avoided him from then on.

The aim was to appear less interested in him get him to come begging. To get him to understand that he was too lucky to have her.

So, we waited. A week passed and another but guy never came back. Thick lady had him now. So Anita went to beg.

When begging wouldn't work, she went to confront thick lady but thick lady didn't care too much to give her so much attention.

So, she was back to begging and when it wouldn't work, she went to beg the previous boyfriend.

He had a woman he wouldn't let go of for Anita even though he still felt a thing for her. But Anita was ready to share. She swore she was.
But previous boyfriend was too good a man to say he wanted whoever he had to have him all by himself.

So, our class ended. And Anita moved.

She did without ever telling me to do away with all the lessons. But I knew a little good.

Asides Anita's story, I have heard someone say playing hard to get worked for her. And for another, she had the same ending as Anita and this confused me back then.

This was conflicting for me at some point because everyone you asked had something different to say.

So, I grew older and I chose what works for me - and that is to never play silly games.

I found that I am always upfront about how I feel.

If someone I am interested in likes me, I find it easier to tell/show them I like them back.

One time, someone said the thing is to be hard to get and not to play and I can't tell if there's a difference.

I just know to have my own time as well as to treat the other person how I want to be treated if I am convinced enough they are into me.

I don't think there are specific rules for these things. 

Please, tell me what you think - do you think it's right to play hard to get (for both genders)?
Why/why not?
#365DaysofWritingin2020   #Day167

P.S:    Anita is not her real name. She's married now and have gotten much over 'guy.'
And, she might read this.

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